There are a few things that I know with absolute certainty:

• Distraction isn’t good for me
• Not only was I feeling really off the other day but I keep finding my partner asking what’s up (and tending to ask what I had for lunch)
• My sleep habits are askew and I need to reign them in
• I’m excited about the idea of building community here with the blog – and that’s starting to take up my time (rather than my time going to things like the work that I get paid for)
• Every time I get really distracted I start to think that I should go to the gym – even when I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open
• I’ve made a lot of decisions that I’m just not even a little bit happy with – both over the long term and more recently

I made a comment on my Twitter account earlier that went something along the lines of “I’m starting to think that I need to take out space on the back of a milk carton in hopes of finding my missing attention span.” It’s true – I’m pretty sure that I’ve been swimming in my thoughts lately and that the undertow is stronger than I am really able to deal with.

I just feel set off at the littlest things lately. I’m tired of seeing a ton of diet ads but, tis the season I guess. After all, it’s all about making sure that everyone’s top new year priority is losing weight (though it’s really more about the fact that the businesses spending so damned much on the ads are just looking to make money). I see them and I think about an idea for a post or for something else completely unrelated. I’ve been feeling just insanely wrong since last week when I saw a high school friend and a number of acquaintances  – and I know the reason too: I started to understand the fact that for every choice that I’ve made, for every time that I chose to skip a meal or to doubt myself, I got so much in my own way that I feel like I’ve fucked up in ways that I’ll never recover from I’m just not sure that I’m ready to confront it.