ED Recovery Blog

Progress, Changes, & Ongoing Recovery

5 Quick Things that Are Making Me Question My Well-Being

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Simple post for the morning, but worth commenting on before I suck it up and head back to bed for a while (feeling too wiped out to focus):

  1. Yesterday when I was completely furious and frustrated I did something that I hadn’t done for a while: rather than focusing on writing or stewing in my rage, I went to the gym and, while I pushed myself, it wasn’t to the point of breaking.
  2. I’ve been really, really, really tired lately and it’s wearing me down emotionally and mentally.
  3. Last night I was asked the question, “Why do you flinch when I touch you?”
  4. I’m far more focused on the things that I want to do than the things that I have to do – which always leaves me wondering why I’ve made the choices that I have.
  5. I’m obsessing about stupid things – like “oh, if I had a different computer,” or, “I really want. . .” and it doesn’t even matter what. When my materialism kicks into high gear, I know that I’m avoiding something important.

In other words, I know that *something* is going on and that I should be committing some time to figuring it out, but, apparently, if I had to add a sixth item to that list, it would probably be something along the lines of “I know something isn’t quite right but it doesn’t feel worth trying to figure out.”

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