I have a habit of jumping in and then wondering what the hell I was thinking; given how much I can think myself into corners and boxes, this is something that still surprises me a bit. It’s not entirely a new thing – it’s how this blog started really. I was sitting around, thinking about wanting to write about the recovery process and where I was at with it and had just started writing full time and figured, “why not get my own domain name and create something I can feel good about?” Within 15 minutes, I had the edrecoveryblog.com domain; it was about 10 months later that this blog actually became something that I used regularly and that started to grow.

I’ve got a whole bunch of web domains (seriously, it’s like I collect them) that I bought in much the same way – I had an idea that I wanted to act on and didn’t want anyone to be able to jump in and take off with it before I could. Some of them still haven’t been used, others are still in the really, really early stages. I anticipate that a couple of them could be wildly successful – that is if I’d get into gear and get them started.

Wait, this wasn’t supposed to be about me getting down on me. Right.

The other day, I had another one of those ideas. One of the people I follow on Twitter with a work account that I manage and I often get to talking politics. Even though we both have very different ideas and perspectives about what should be going on in the US and how things should be handled by the government (she’s conservative, I’m really not), we come from a very similar place. I’d been thinking about launching a magazine style blog for a while, I’m passionate about politics and getting involved (which is why I have registered for and will be attending the EDC Congressional press conference and why I’m hoping that I can scrape together the cash to participate in this year’s lobby days), why not make it something sort of political in nature? I jumped in, bought a domain name and then asked my acquaintance if she’d be interested in participating – she was ready to jump just as quickly as I was.

The majority of the day yesterday, I was sitting at a computer finding the right plugins, getting the magazine template that I chose for the blog set up so that it would work properly (or at least with fewer kinks than it had ) and setting up a MyBlogLog account, yet another Twitter identity and a couple of email addresses. Yesterday I added an initial post; this morning I added two more. The goal still includes adding a Facebook page today along with additional content.

So what is it that I’m learning from this experience?

Interestingly enough, I’m learning that sometimes it’s okay to leap first and think things through later. I’m learning that sometimes the best thing that you can do is to work alongside someone whose ideas are completely different from your own – especially when there are things that you are passionate about. I’m also learning that it’s only when I stop and think about things that I start to question all of my choices.

Wait, I did know that already.

See, that’s actually something that I learned back when I entered treatment for the first time. When anorexia first took hold, there was no question in my mind that I was eating enough and that the weight loss was just happening; I had no doubt that I was in control. Once I started to think about it though, well, I saw that there were issues and that I hadn’t really known what I was getting myself into.

I suppose that it’s a lot healthier to leap into projects without thinking things through than it was to dive into an eating disorder. I also think that, at least in this case, thinking it through too much could have been a detriment (“I can’t ask her, she doesn’t know me well and it’ll never happen” or “do I really want to do this” or “there’s no way that this will work” are all thoughts that would have crept in if I’d been thinking first and waiting to act later).

So what the hell does this have to do with my recovery?

I admit it, I’m not making sense right now. I’m tired, really craving some time at the gym, and wanting to check the stats on my new project site. But in terms of recovery, I think the connection is simply this: when I don’t let my doubts get in the way, when I reach out and ask a question because something seems like a great idea and when I’m willing to act, I don’t need to worry about whether or not there’s a safety net below – because things are going to work. It’s trusting myself that’s key.

Title from No Net Below by Jonatha Brooke