I’ve been thinking a lot today – it happens fairly often, so in and of itself that’s not altogether surprising. What is surprising to me is the way that the thoughts have been progressing.

It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that there is a 12 week period each year that bugs me more than any other. It starts just before Thanksgiving – typically with the November issues of magazines that I see near the grocery store checkout lanes. It goes on until the middle of January – by which time it seems that most people have let their New Year’s resolutions slide by the wayside. I really can’t stand what can best be described as diet season.

Why does diet season bug me so much?

• There’s the element of “don’t enjoy the holidays – which should be about time with family and friends and celebrating love, bonding over the good (and not so good) times, and sharing the best of one another – because if you do, you’ll regret it later.” This pushes at me particularly hard in years like this one that, for me, have been marked with a great deal of loss. My favorite Christmas memory that I will treasure forever involves a friend who passed away this year and going out to dinner with him on a Christmas Eve. I was struggling horribly with my eating disorder that year, but I went, I ate, I stepped out of my comfort zone, and as a result I had one of the most amazing nights of my life. I can’t even imagine the hole that there would be if I’d skipped the night listening to the ED voice that kept pushing at me, telling me I couldn’t possibly go, and that nothing good could come of it. My best guess is that what people will really regret the most, if they focus only on the diet mentality, are the moments that their eating disorders stole from them.
• The focus on how much ‘better’ someone could be if only they fit into a smaller pair of jeans. Here’s a secret that’s almost impossible for those in the depths of their suffering to believe (and, admittedly, one that I still struggle with from time to time):Each one of us is perfect exactly as we are. There are few places that I’ve seen this expressed as eloquently as a post from zen habits: “You’re already perfect. Being content with yourself means realizing that striving for perfection is based on someone else’s idea of what “perfect” is … and that that’s all bullshit. Perfect is who you are, not who someone else says you should be.” Extend that someone else to the “voice” of your eating disorder, to the media, and the advertisers, and even to family members or friends.
• The focus on denial of self in and of itself gets under my skin. The focus that the ‘season’ puts on saying, “I know you really want that slice of cake, but it would be better to have this bowl of diet cereal.” Something that held true for me, at least for a long, long while, was that following that logic meant eating more not less – the bowl of cereal, and the cake/cookie/whatever else – and not listening to my body’s cues.

The connection between diets and eating disorders is something that’s well documented even though there’s plenty of evidence that draws a clear line between the two. Ultimately, many of us in recovery learn all the not-so-subtle reasons why diets don’t work and come to identify our triggers (case in point, “Why I Will Never Diet Again,” a guest post on Nourishing the Soul). But sometimes, all of the in your face advertising and fear mongering and shaming – sometimes it gets a lot harder to block out those cues and not believe in the false promises that they offer.
And while all of that seems like enough to be thinking about, it’s not the core of where my thoughts are running right now. In addition to revisiting posts I’d read a while back and another from yesterday, an organization I follow put out a call to action today. The basic gist of it is something like this: Are you pissed off? Fine: Now do something. It was a challenge – and is part of the reason why I’m writing this post.

I’m angry. I’m sick and tired of marketers trying to tell people they aren’t good enough. I’m frustrated with a misguided community that sees “health” as an objective without considering the big picture and making suggestions that impose limits and are just as unhealthy.

Anger alone doesn’t solve anything. Talking with other awareness advocates doesn’t seem to dig in deep enough. Writing letters, placing phone calls, and even having in-person meetings with representatives all have an impact – but it’s one that isn’t always felt right away. We all need a more effective way to challenge ourselves, to come back against what tries to oppress us, and to focus on creating a world that’s all the better for our efforts.

I’m not trying to delude myself or anyone else with this. As was written beautifully by Nate in the It Starts With Us blog’s “5 Things I Know for Sure” post:

1. There’s a lot of pain in this world. A lot.
2. I can’t fix it, and neither can you.
3. We still have to try.

Eating disorders cause a lot of that pain. The sense that we’re imperfect and that changing the way that others see us will fix that causes a lot of pain as well. Anything that feeds our belief that our weight or shape is the thing that matters most causes pain too. There’s a lot of that out there, and not a single one of us will ever be able to do enough to take it all away – but we have to try. We have to be willing to put forth an effort, because even helping one person makes a dramatic difference in the world around us.

So here it is – here’s what’s really on my mind.

I challenge you to go into 2011 taking these (deceptively) simple steps:

(And yes, I threw the deceptively in there on purpose. Sometimes, even the easiest things to do take a great effort – especially when our doubts creep in)

1. Challenge your own definition of beauty. Look beyond what the media says is beautiful, ask questions, notice and celebrate the differences.
2. Look at the big picture rather than compartmentalizing bodies into parts – especially if you tend to choose some parts and assign them nothing but loathing, shame, and blame.
3. Participate in efforts like those put forth by Operation: Beautiful.
4. Avoid engaging in Fat Talk – and not just for a single week.

What else will you add as things that can be done to start creating change in the ways you see yourself and the ways you see others?