Adjusting: Embracing Change

One of the most challenging things about this move that I recently made is that, well, everything feels pretty much upside down. Instead of feeling like I’m the one who doesn’t really do anything, I’m the one who is working (although, admittedly, I don’t feel like I’m doing enough and she is looking for work). Instead of focusing on packing things up - what felt like a hobby for a couple of months there - I’m working on settling in.

There are other changes to. I no longer have health insurance, and that means that, rather than paying about 25 bucks a month for my medication, the other day the total came to $138.33. What that means is that the time has come to really focus on behavioral issues and seeing what else I can do to make myself feel better; I’ve never really liked taking meds, but, however much I might not like it, they’ve made a dramatic impact on my quality of life.

Unlike in my past setting, I’ve found that I love going to the grocery stores here. This is a really big deal for me; I used to have panic attacks just going by them, now I can easily spend three hours looking at produce and fresh meats - and, of course, I’m not just looking at the food, I’m going on to buy it and to bring it home and to enjoy cooking again. This is also a remarkably good thing - as is the fact that I’ve been going out, trying new restaurants and feeling (mostly) okay with it.

She thinks that I’ve started losing weight; I don’t buy it, but hey, why would I? That’s still a part of things that is a part of my nature - and it’s something that I know I have to be careful with.

Anyway.

On top of everything else, my schedule is all off. With frequent thunderstorms that knock out power - we lost the lights around 7 Monday night and it was out for 23 hours - who knows if the clocks are right. My impulse to get work done has been, well, absent. I’ve been finishing up my work around 11:30 each night and my sleep isn’t consistent either.

I find myself rambling a lot.

Still, overall it seems as though the changes have definitely been for the better. Even at my most uncertain, I know one thing for sure: the decision to make the move was one of the best that I have made.