Something I struggle with is letting go. I think about all of the things that I carry with me - the tangible things as well as the intangible. I think about the questions that I’ve asked in the past -questions that keep coming up and that I still haven’t answered.
Organizing my life is a bit of a challenge; I always want to do more about getting rid of the chaos, and yet, I seem to attract chaos and then to grab onto it. Slowly though, I think about the fact that it’s time to let go.
(source)The return of eating disorder behaviors or feelings or both signal that either new growth is necessary or achieved progress is undermined.
One of the things that I’ve discovered over time is that, the more chaotic things seem to get, the easier it is to want to cling tightly to whatever is near. When that not so subtle sense that I should grab tight and refuse to let go comes on, I know that it’s time to let go.
These days, recovery is the sense that leaves me focused on letting go and changing the ways in which I’ve always done things. It’s about the flexibility, it’s about letting myself give a little bit when things just don’t quite go the way that I want them to. It’s about accepting simplicity and recognizing that sometimes the best way to do things is the least complicated way.
Lately, I haven’t felt that tight pull towards grabbing tight. I haven’t had that sense that the only way to get control is to cling to it; instead, I’ve been more at ease. When the impulse to push too hard, to drink too much or eat too little comes up, it’s been easier to breathe deeply, to try to relax and to recognize that it’s something that can pass.
Letting the music play helps. Getting up early to watch baseball, that helps too. Knowing that change is coming and that there’s more to life than the frustration and chaos of the now will fade - that makes all the difference in the world.
March 25th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Choas and order can’t exist without each other. Pretending that they are separate is a joke.