It wasn’t all that long ago when, if I was asked about whether or not I was doing “enough,” I would have been quite sure that I wasn’t. These days, while I’m making an effort to meet expectations, to eat a balanced diet, to get a bit more exercise and to get enough sleep, when I’m wondering if I’m doing enough the answer seems to be “I’m doing what I can.” And while that’s not much of a change, nor is it much of a commitment, it’s a small step forward.
Today is the first day that I’ve had any time to myself in the new digs since the move. While she has been looking for work and sending out resumes (and I’ve sent out a couple myself), she’s been here, she’s been home. Today she’s out for an interview and what did I do with my “freedom”? Oh, I took a long shower, thought about a nap, watched some TV and focused and just chilling out.
There have been times when having near constant contact with any other human being would have been completely unbearable; these days, I’m adapting to it - probably because I feel like I have less to hide (though, I’m not entirely convinced that that’s really the case).
While I’m not making any sort of effort to lose weight, the thoughts are there and probably have a bit to do with the way we’ve been eating (as does her strong desire to make a lifestyle change of her own). While we’ve been walking more - averaging 3-5 miles a day - it’s been transportation, not exercise and, well, I’ve resisted the urge to go out early in the mornings for long runs. While there’s a pool out back and a health club downstairs, I haven’t yet gone swimming and have only gone down to lift weights and spend time on the treadmill once. In other words, everything is in moderation and I feel pretty okay with that.
It’s a small change - even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like a change at all. It’s a change too to know that my focus is on building muscle not losing weight and on eating enough calories to keep my metabolism going. What I know is this: It’s possible to feel a lot better than I have in the past and the simple reality is that I’m ready to feel better… And that’s a change worth embracing.
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