I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much time I’ve spent in my own way. I’ve been thinking too about getting out of my way - the fact that this move thing might finally happen and that I’m making a conscious effort to change things, something that I haven’t always done in the past. Without reaching a certain stage in recovery, this sort of thing wouldn’t be possible.
It’s so easy to get caught up while one is in the throes of eating disordered behavior. There’s the chronic search for numb, the desire to stop feeling because you simply feel way too much and don’t know how to deal with it. Once those walls start coming down though, things can get a little bit wild.
The more that things change, the more that there’s a craving for the way that they were.
I used to give into those cravings. I’d find myself stopping all forward motion so that I could remain where I was comfortable. I’m recognizing now that the discomfort is healthy, and that it’s something that I should be tuned into - at least a little bit.
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