When I planned for the move, I wanted to believe that everything would settle a bit. I wanted to believe that the thoughts, the anxieties and the stresses would fade some. Well, funny thing about taking yourself wherever you go: the same stresses and anxieties travel with you, the feelings remain the same and - oh yeah, when the new place is all but filled with mirrors, those body image issues creep in just a little.
So far, it’s been tons of fun.
Today, she starts a new job. Today I need to start focusing on getting my schedule back to normal so that I’m not struggling to get words posted to the web by midnight each night. I’m also thinking about going for a run, or working out down in the gym, or adding air to my bike tires and going for a ride or trying to jam out my work and then to head into the city to explore a bit. Simply put, everything is big, intense and still new.
Recovery, as I see it, is all about re-finding that balance. Recovering from an eating disorder isn’t just about developing a “normal” relationship with food. Recovery isn’t just about being a certain weight or feeling a certain way. It’s about knowing what balance is and coming to a place where balance is okay.
Things can be out of control and I can be okay with it. Things can be stressful and I can remain calm. Now it’s a matter of figuring out the how and getting settled in.
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