It sometimes seems easy to look at the world and to only see things in black and white; with all of the shades of grey that are out there, there are a lot of different blurry lines along the way. The challenge is when there aren’t clear boundaries within relationships, at the work place and even at the gym; the road toward eating disorder recovery often seems to get rutted, washed away in spots and bumpy as hell.
The other day I started thinking about working out again - okay, not just thinking about it, coming close to obsessing about it. I started looking into information about different workout programs, different videos, ways of pushing myself in the limited gym that’s available. About ten minutes later, well, I realized what I was doing and tried to shake it out of my head: I’ve got one hell of a blurred line going on and I just don’t know what to do with it.
July 6th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
I was so glad to find your post, I’ve been dealing with my anorexia for a few years now, and have been in full recovery for the last year, and I’m dealing with the same feelings you mentioned in this post. I am healthy enough to start exercising again, and would like to, to be healthy, but worry that it can go the other way quickly. I’ve got a great nutritionist I work with, and I hope you have some support like that too.
Margaret