Black.
White.
Sometimes I don’t see the shades of gray even though I know that the majority of life is spent somewhere in them.
I used to focus on getting through, and when it comes to anyone else, I’ve got this, “Yeah, but is it really like that?” With everyone else I can see the options, I can see the choices. With myself, well, I’m never really as good at seeing the big picture of my situation.
The only thing that I could think about for months was the desire to move on and enter into another stage in my life. Now that it’s starting to come together, now that I’m flying out in a few days to sign a lease and we’ve booked a moving truck and every day more of my stuff ends up either thrown out or in boxes, I’m questioning the choice.
Seems like I should have seen this coming but… somehow I didn’t.
Now I’m running out to grab meals because it’s tough to plan ahead and have food in the house. We’ve got dinner plans three nights next week, and plans a couple of nights the following week as well. Some of our friends are avoiding us, upset because we’re leaving. Some of them are saying things like, “well, I’m happy for you but this so sucks for me.” And it’s hard.
I guess that’s the big part of things: growing is hard. There’s the stress that comes from embarking on a new journey and making the choice to walk down a new path. There’s the strange sadness that comes when you make an important change, even when you know that it’s a change that you need to make. There’s an anxiety about the unknown - that’s what trips me up the most.
Leave a Reply