I used to not think about the future; mostly, when I was ill and struggling, I didn’t think about the future because, well, I didn’t think that I had one (there’s a song with the lyric “thought I’d leave this world by 21″ which, over time the singer, when performing it live aged as she did, 25, 28, 31). So, now that I am more focused on recovery, I seem to be looking forward. Of course, with looking forward comes a temptation to look back.
I’m struggling these days to resist that temptation. Instead of looking at changes that I could have made and why I didn’t make them, I’m focusing forward and thinking that, it just might not be that bad of a thing to be willing to make the changes now.
Earlier this week I left town, just for an overnight, to look at an apartment a few states away. Earlier this week, I acknowledged working with someone. My information is being verified. I should soon know that I’ve got a place to live and be given a moving date. Truth be told, I’m still worried that something is going to fall apart. If I were better at holding my breath, I might be less nervous.
Ultimately what I am thinking about is this: I need to make changes. I know what’s important to me. I know that I’m ready to start living like I have a future instead of dreading what could happen.
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